One thing about “what goes around comes around”, is that it never goes and comes back the same way. That person who broke your heart, will never be the one to mend it. The person who wronged you or betrayed you, is not the one who takes the pain away. That person who helped you with your luggage at the airport? You never met him before. What you did do was give your seat on the coach to someone a few days back. So if you ever wonder, if helping someone who can’t help you back is going to get you anything, it does. Being good never fails. Karma always works. Just in mysterious ways.
I just read an article, ‘The guide to life, by a realist’. It highlighted all of the cruel, unjust truths of life and the world we live in, in a very sarcastic and satirical tone. Reading it, just made me wonder, if life is so harsh, so full of struggles and unhappiness and selfishness, then what is the point of anything? And apart from these more practical points, emotionally too, people just seem to struggle so much. It’s like we are always in a hurry to get to a place, but we don’t even know where. Then what is the truth, in the claim of all these writers and motivational speakers that life is beautiful and happiness is within us and life indeed, is worth living?
For instance, take hope. Hope gets us through the toughest of times. That’s true. But isn’t it also true, that hope creates illusions, illusions of a better time, which may never come? And then when these illusions break, it hurts us more than what we would have been if we had never been promised a larger picture, or the so-called ‘long run’.
Then I thought about it. And I realized that yes, people are selfish. Stereotypes do exist. So do bad people. The world is indeed not the beautiful Noah’s Ark or a happy place with nice people that we used to see, with childhood blindfolding our eyes with innocence.
But if bad people exist, so do good ones. For one person that breaks us, we have ten friends who help us along and rebuild us. For that one bully, we have ten people standing with us against him. For those terrorists out there killing hundreds, there are also so many on the border, sacrificing everything so we can lead a normal life. What really matters is, perception. What we choose to see, what we choose to believe. Life is a mix of both, the good and the bad. Its is not black and white. It has shades of gray. What matters is what we choose to see, the good in the bad, or the bad in the good. The white in the black, or the black in the white. Its the simple matter of believing. Magic is hidden everywhere, but those who don’t believe in it, will never find it.
The same is the thing with hope. It may create illusions, but it is what keeps us going. And if we don’t keep on going, then what are we doing anyway? It is the thing that makes us believe that there is light at the end of the tunnel. And when we reach the end, and see that there is no light, it is what makes us search for another end, the faith that the light is out there. And what if we never find the light? Well, it sure beats the hell out of saying still in the darkness.
As far as happiness lying within us is concerned, I read a beautiful thing once. That a blind person, knows how to smile, even though he has never seen anyone else doing so. So it is true, happiness is deep-rooted within us, no one can give it to us.
So even if we are surrounded by stereotypes and cruelty and injustice, we are also surrounded by love, and care, and small pleasures and people who would do anything for us. It just depends on what we focus on, the dough-nut, or the hole. Beauty as they say, lies in the eye of the beholder.
But whatever happened with him also made me who I am today. It has made me stronger than I ever was. Even though I had to see days darker than nights and go through pain worse than I ever could even imagine. The thing is, if you lose yourself, there are only two ways two go from there, one is to find that person back. The other is to let go of who you were completely. And I know the latter sounds scary, but it really isn’t, because maybe the new person that will take the place of the older you will be a better version of yourself, with not only a reflection of the past you, but also a collection of your experiences, your struggles, and all that you’ve been through, making you a stronger survivor in this scary world.
But I guess that faith takes time to rebuild. Like the pieces of a puzzle, that come together slowly, but surely. But one day, you wake up, and the pain is lighter. They are not the first thing that you think about in the morning, and there are times when you are happy even in their absence. It comes with time, but it does. There are days where you wish more than anything that they could be with you, but trust me, if they were meant to be, they would have been. Maybe they left only to make place for someone who will never leave you, someone who will make all this pain worth handling. So no matter how much the pain and struggle and despair try to convince you that you lost the one you were supposed to be with, do not believe it. Cause you don’t deserve to be with someone who will leave you when things get difficult. Cause everything that is worth having, comes with trials worth withstanding.
Sometimes life takes people away from us, and maybe at that time it just doesn’t make any sort of sense, and the pain doesn’t let us see that perhaps it is for the best. We are so used to them, that we don’t realize that maybe our life is better without them, or that maybe down the road, someone better is meant to take their place. But you know what? Making sense of it is really not important, because sometimes things just happen because they have to. Now whether its is all a part of the bigger picture or not, you can’t say, but the one thing that you should know is that if it’s meant to be, it will be, so the best you can do, is to let go, and just let life happen, and take you along with it as it does.
Maybe the pain never goes away. Maybe you never forget. For the sake of sanity, your mind just finds a way to deal with it, to live with it. I don’t know if its true, when they say that things happen for a reason, and that someone better comes along. But I do know, that you can’t wait for someone to come and save you. Because honestly, no one can. Except, you, yourself. You just have to pick the pieces up one day and move on. Because, well frankly, you don’t have any other choice.
For quite some time, the pain will always be there at the back of your mind, always coming back to hurt you whenever you decide to part ways with it and dare to smile, or even laugh. For quite some time it will be the first thing on your mind whenever you wake up. Until one day, when it will be the second.
And when it will all be over, one of two things would have happened. Either you would have found yourself back. Or you would have let go of that person completely. And even if the latter would have happened, it isn’t so bad, because sometimes, that is what it all is about.
Either way, there will be a newfound strength. Strength that will allow you to hope, to dream, to love again. You just never have to allow you fears to become bigger than yourself, to overwhelm you so, that you never dare hope again. Because then, you would have lost the battle.
She stood alone, a frightened soul. The road ahead her was dark and lonely, and seemed to lead nowhere. It was cold. The fog enveloped her, the dark clouds in the sky mirroring the gloom she felt in her heart. She didn’t know what to do. She was lost. It felt safer somehow to just stand there and not venture out alone on the way ahead. It was too immense for her.
Suddenly, she heard someone approach. She turned-an old man. Thin, pale, and bent down, so much so, that she felt that someone had put all of life’s burdens on his shoulders, burdens that she herself felt weighing her down. But his eyes, they spoke a different story. They were calm, blue pools of a still lake. And on his face was a smile. A smile that reflected such contentment, which was probably impossible to imagine in a man who looked like him.
He stopped next to her. “Are you lost?”.
“Yeah. I mean, no, I need to take this road ahead.”
“So, why don’t you?”
“I don’t know. I mean I’m not sure if I should move on just yet. Its scary, dark, and alone out there.”
“But it is alone and dark here too.”
There was silence. She knew he had a point. But she still didn’t know if she was ready. Ready to leave this place behind, and go on ahead.
“What if it just gets darker ahead?” she asked.
“But what if it gets brighter?” he replied.
She didn’t know how to answer that. So instead, she just asked, “Where are you going?”
“Wherever my way takes me.”
“But aren’t you scared? Scared that it may not take you to a better place? Scared that you may meet people who may betray you, take everything away from you? Scared that you won’t find happiness?”
“But it is better than the alternative, don’t you think? Just standing here, stuck? And I know that there may not be a promise of better times, but even the darkest dawn sees the morning. I know I will meet people who will betray me, but I will also meet those who will completely change the way I look at love. And happiness, that my child, can never be found. It is not something hidden, that is out of reach. It is not something to strive for, to assign goals to and achieve them in order to attain it. It is something that is always there, inside of you. It is something that makes you look forward when you are sad, it is what gives you something to hope for, even when it all seems hopeless. It may get overwhelmed by the other things we feel, anger, pain, agony, hurt, but it is always there, waiting for you to feel it.”
“But, isn’t it more safe to stay here, where it is familiar?”
“Safe? No, no. It is the most dangerous thing. To stay stuck, stagnant. To deprive yourself of whatever the road ahead holds for you. Comfortable? Yes, that it is. And tempting too. But it’s a mistake.”
“So what? I just keep on going, not knowing where to go?”
“No, you take the first step not knowing where to go, in faith.”
With that, he moved ahead, and disappeared into the trees, leaving her looking into the shadows he left behind.
She turned back, and looked at the dreary road once again. She took a deep breath, and took a step forward, in faith.
The sun rose, illuminating the way ahead.